no you cant smoke seaweed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
3 2 1 whiskey
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
