i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
there is glitter all over my balls
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