Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
