I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
