He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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