At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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