I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
