you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
