70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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