My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
