Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
