the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
