You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
