You made me cry and you don't even care
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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