I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
