final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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