Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
