It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
