My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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