I wanna bring you to show and tell
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
