smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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