I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
