Having a random hookup so left but love u
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
