Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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