okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
