I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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