i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
