ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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