remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
