i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
