OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize