David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
