"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize