Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize