I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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