She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
