Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
