Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
