the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
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