my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I die, sorry about rent.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
