guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
