You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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