That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
