everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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