But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
