But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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