im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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