Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
