True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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