My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
