Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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