Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
