I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
