We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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