Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
