Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
