mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
