I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
