I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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