if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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