Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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