Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
