Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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