My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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