Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
